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When it comes to sex three is a crowd

When it comes to sex three is a crowd

July 7, 2016 - By Mumazine Mums

Are you struggling to get your sex life back on track after having a baby?

Are you struggling to get your sex life back on track after having a baby? Are you left wandering where the romance, intimacy and connection with your partner has disappeared to since your baby arrived? Do you feel overwhelmed by the demands of your partner and now your new baby on your time and your body and sex is the last thing on your mind?

You are not alone! Three is a crowd..

Having a baby and the physical, emotional and psychological change that affects women and ultimately the couple is life changing and not always a positive and easy one. Even in the healthiest of relationships just the simple fact of a third person arriving in such an intimate and all-consuming way is a trigger for conflict and it’s inevitable that this will affect your sex life. Sex in a relationship is always an expression of the emotional state and connection between the couple and so in order to get your sex lives back on track you need to address any underlying issues between you first. Once you do this and add a few of my tools for creating a sensual connection the sex will follow naturally.

Communicate Honestly

The addition of a baby to any relationship – no matter how wanted - is a huge change and change is always challenging. The connection between the couple is altered forever and it is something that is rarely talked about beforehand. Most people feel that they don’t want to bring negativity to what is perceived as a joyous event. Talking honestly about how the addition of another person into your lives, and your bedroom will affect you both is very important and sharing the bad feelings and your fears, as well as your excitement is crucial to sustaining intimacy as a couple.

 It is very common for women to go off sex completely after having a baby and this often leaves the man feeling frustrated and rejected.

Be a Team

The most common problem that occurs is when the couple allow their new baby to come between them and it can be almost immediate that both partners feel neglected by each other. Jealousy and a feeling of being taken for granted, left out and pushed aside are all very common feelings that are aroused in both partners but especially the man.  This is nothing to be ashamed of and so try to accept that this is a normal part of the adjustment and never stop working together as a team.

Make a Plan

Ideally before you get pregnant sit down and work out both the practical and the emotional consequences of the new baby arriving. It is important to make a distinction between these two areas and you will find that once you are clear as a couple who is responsible for what in terms of child care, finances and running the household then the emotional stuff can be dealt with much more easily and with less conflict. Talk about sex, be honest about your fears and tell your partner directly what you need from them.

Get support

Men and women have different reactions and feelings after childbirth so try to have empathy with your partner, even if they have very different needs and desires from you. It is very common for women to go off sex completely after having a baby and this often leaves the man feeling frustrated and rejected. Agree to get outside help if needed, having a safe space to go and talk to someone and get everything out in the open can often resolve the situation in only a few sessions.

Make time to Connect

Make sure that you set aside time to connect in a sensual, rather than a sexual way through massage, touching, hugging, talking, spending time alone together without your baby and going on dates to remember what it was that you shared as a couple before the baby arrived. Get in touch with what you like about each other and this will emphasize a feeling of unity and connection.

Avoid Blame

Overall the main thing is to avoid blame. Try to be understanding if your partner is unable to meet your needs temporarily and don’t take it personally. Make an effort to do small things for each other that show how much you care; buy each other flowers or gifts and give each other compliments and try to accept that if you want your relationship and sex life to get back to how it was at its best you will have to extend yourself.

Prioritise the Relationship

Putting the relationship first above everything else will provide a mutual feeling of love, security and a solid foundation for both of you to rebuild a satisfying sex life as well as making it easier to enjoy rather than resent your new bundle of joy!

For More Information Go To The Relationship Coach

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